Birthday Pictures

If you read the post below, you will get the story. Due to computer issues, I am only now able to post photos.

Happy birthday to you!

Easy rider!

Not sure if he was pointing to the animals, but at least it looks that way.

Ben is 2!

Well, it is official. My little man is now the big 2! I can hardly believe it has been that long, but it's true. Sadly, I'll have to post photos later. I tried to get ahead and dumped all of the pictures on my computer. Unfortunately, my computer and the wireless internet have a love/hate relationship so it is not cooperating. I guess I will have to use my words to paint a picture.

His actual birthday didn't go so well. It was a school day so I made him go to nursery. That sounds terrible, but they make me pay regardless and it's only one day a week. He's been having a good time there lately, but this week he was a little sad. He is now officially in the toddler room. He has been there before, but never for all day. Plus, I suspect he knew something was up. He is rather astute like that. Anyway, so when I picked him up, he was refusing his fruit and looking like someone had taken his toy. When we got home, he got to talk to Joe and was happy to play. So far so good.

The plan was to do cake and presents with Minh and Brooke from next door and have Joe's family on Skype. That was the plan... Minh and Brooke were late because of a last minute phone call. Skype REFUSED to cooperate. Ben did not like his birthday cake. Oh, well...on to presents! So he opened up a few and played happily. Then I brought down his big gift, a shiny red plastic motorcycle that he can scoot around on. Epic fail! Despite that it is quite wide, I think he felt unstable on it. Between that and the fact that he had only a 45-minute nap at school, he was in a foul mood. Eventually, I put the bike in the other room while he screamed bloody murder. At some point, I got him to calm down and watch tv and eat some crackers. However, when I put him to bed, more high pitched screaming. The kind of screams where you know that is hurting the person who is doing it.

On a funny note, I actually took a 15-second video of the screaming for Joe. I wasn't trying to get sympathy. I was trying to make him feel better. He had been feeling sad about missing Ben's birthday. I wanted him to know that he missed nothing.

Yesterday, I took Ben to a wildlife park. I had already deicided that we would do that instead of a party. When we got up, it was cloudy and a bit wet. We went anyway and the rain managed to hold off almost the whole time. To be honest, Ben was more interested in playing with the stones along the path, but I think he had a good time. It was a small park so we were able to most of the animals. They also had a few play areas, but it was too wet for him to properly enjoy. Just about the time we were done, the sky opened up. I put him in the car with some snacks and headed home, all before nap time. Success!

Summer Update

I hadn't realized how long it had been until I signed in. I knew it had been a while, but no clue how long. Sorry to all my loyal readers! (all 2 of you.)

The truth of it is that I (and the Howells in general) have been very busy. Here's a generic rundown of everything you missed:

• Joe's squadron had a dining out in the Tower of London. Amazing!
• Summer ball
• Vacation to Ireland with me, Joe, Ben, and Liz. Visited Dublin and the Dingle Peninsula
• Trip to Edinburgh, Scotland with friends
• Joe wrapped up his Master's degree
• I've been working on 2 more classes toward mine
• Fourth of July BBQ at our house
• Numerous BBQs at other houses
• Ben entered the terrible twos a few months early
• Joe deployed overseas

I bet you are tired just reading that! I haven't meant to neglect you. I simply haven't had any other choice. Overall, we are doing well. When I get a chance, I will fill in some details. Unfortunately, I have to go write a paper...due in 2 weeks...that I haven't started...

Summer Plans

Time is ticking away here as it always does. I realized today that in a little over a month, Joe will be headed on his 3-month, all-expenses-paid vacation (Afghanistan). Normally, I would have a pit in my stomach about that much time alone with B-bear. However, summertime makes it easier to keep him entertained and makes me feel more positive all around. Plus, I have my two classes to keep me distracted (usually I just stay up late watching trashy TV). Hopefully, Joe will get to come back for a few days in August, which should be right around Ben's birthday. (My baby is going to be 2! How did that happen? Was I there?) Then Mama Anna will rescue me for a few weeks and we will accompany her back to Florida for about a month. I'm a bit gutted about missing September in England because it is so beautiful. However, September in Florida is nice too and we will be back for October, which is the last bit of loveliness before the ash cloud of winter sets in.

So, really, I just need to make it through July. I predict a haze of Lean Cuisine, trips to the Mothers' Gym on base, living at the local playgrounds, and lots of Ben's favorite...ice cream. There is a store in town with a giant ice cream cone out front. He shouts "ice cream!" everytime we go by. Even when they are closed, the store is dark, and the cone is inside, he still sees it and shouts. Ben has incredible eyesight. He spots planes far away, high up in the sky. Planes you would never notice if you did not have an enthusiastic toddler screaming "airplane" and pointing. Joe said he wishes some of the other guys in his squadron could spot planes so well.

Spring has sprung here in England. The weather is warmer and flowers are blooming. The birds are eating from the feeders. Hooray! Winter is over!

This is good because my little guy wants to be outside all of the time. We spend a lot of time in our courtyard. It is times like now when I desperately wish we had a yard. It would be a fine space if it did not double as a parking space for the Camry. Most of our outdoor time is spent like this: Ben throws the ball on the hood of the car, it rolls under the car, Ben cries for me to get it, I crawl under the car or fish it out with a broom, repeat.

Sometimes, he likes to help me water the plants. Mainly this consists of him taking the watering can to the patch of dirt with no plants and dumping it out. Not very productive, but he does get quite excited.

Joe and I have been pretty busy lately. I wrapped up my first class at the end of April, and Joe is finishing his last two classes. Between school, work, etc., there hasn't been a lot of free time. This weekend is a three-day weekend so we are trying to make up for lost time. Friday, we ate junk food and watched a movie. Yesterday, we went to the Eel Day celebration. We watched a group of people carry a paper mache eel from the cathedral to the river. There was food stalls and a band. The whole thing was pretty silly, but it was a great excuse to get out and about.

On our way back, we discovered a new park. It had a giant swing, and spinning see-saw, and a zip line. Despite my cries that we would break th

e equipment, Joe and I played on everything. (It was fine.) It was so much fun! Ben did not enjoy it, but his parents sure did.

Mothering Sunday

It is Mother's Day today in the UK and for me it is an especially bittersweet one. Ben gave me a lovely card and mug this morning. Lorre and I (and all the other mums) received beautiful flower poseys at church. Rumors are that even my dear hubby Joe has something special planned for me and his mom. However, Joe is gone and since Mother's Day is a family day, it is a little sad when the whole family is not here.

But the primary reason for the sadness is that this Mother's Day I am mother to one, not two children. A week ago, I lost the baby. (lost...as though I did something wrong.) Saturday, I noticed some bleeding, but thought it was the same early pregnancy spotting I had with Ben. When I began cramping, I joked to Joe that it doesn't seem fair that a pregnant girl should feel like she was getting her period. Jokes became concerns, which led to a middle of the night ER run. The doctor said that he could not yet confirm if the baby was okay. Sunday morning brought a lot more blood and I knew the baby was gone.

It is amazing how something like this affects you. Initially, I felt very pragmatic about it. Yes, it is very sad, but these things happen all the time. Nothing I could have done. I also felt relief. I was terrified of juggling two babies. How would I carry them around? Would Ben be a hateful, jealous older brother? Would I resent them? A few days after I found out about the pregnancy, I had a mini breakdown. There was anger and shouting, which then gave way to sobbing and shaking. Not my finest moment I assure you. However, I truly believe that every mother has had a similar episode, and if you haven't yet, your day will surely come.

Slowly, I began to feel stunned. My pregnancy never really felt real to me anyway. So much so that I almost felt like I was pretending to be pregnant. Had I imagined the phone call from the doctor? I knew that over 40 weeks of pregnancy, it would materialize, but it had not happened yet. And now, something that never seemed real to begin with was no longer there. Wrap your head around that one.

Then came the sadness. Did God take her away because he did not think I could handle her? (Yes, I was hoping for a girl.) Was this an awful case of "be careful what you wish for?" I didn't really want her to go away. I was just scared. I would love her. Bring her back! It was awful to realize that I will never get to know her. Never throw her a princess tea party. The happy family portrait in my head of two adults and two children went POOF.

Then my Facebook friend posted her ultrasound. The fetus is just starting to look like a teeny tiny baby. This woman has a child a few months younger than Ben, a gorgeous husband, and very confident parenting skills. Crushing blow delivered.

I laid in my bed and cried and cried. Part of me thought I should talk to someone for comfort, but I knew everything that would be said. Not your fault. It will be okay. Part of God's plan. And all the other things that sound reassuring. But I knew none of it would help. None of those sayings would bring her back. Come October, there will be no speedy trip to the hospital. No bundle of joy to bring home. No tiny red dress in our Christmas card this year.

I let the tears flow until I felt exhausted enough to sleep. When I awoke, I felt better and have felt better since. It is bittersweet, but I will be okay. Our family will grow one day, but even if it doesn't, I love my boys (dog included) and that is enough for me.

February

Greetings everyone! Well, things are going nicely here in sleepy Ely. (It is especially sleepy today. All three of my boys are napping. :) The last few days have been warmer than usual so I feel spring must be on its way.

Joe's parents, Joe Sr. and Lorre, arrive tomorrow for another visit. They are going to be staying for six weeks. I know that sounds like a long time to have your in-laws visit, but when you have to fly across the ocean, you need to make it count. Plus, my Joe will be in Vegas for three of those weeks so I am thrilled to have some help! (Yes, democracy must be defended on the Strip too.) I know Ben will really enjoy time with them and that warms my heart.

Speaking of Ben, he is growing and changing so much everyday. I feel like all of a sudden he is doing "big boy" things. He has discovered Thomas the Train and loves him! He's had a Thomas push train for a long time and then he got a Thomas the Train book. Without having ever seen the TV show, Ben thinks Thomas is the coolest thing on earth. Well, the second coolest I guess because his real love is Ely Cathedral. I am not making that up. Every time he sees it, he gets very excited and points to it. It doesn't matter if we are outside, in the car, or in the living room. He says "OOOH!" and points. As far as Ben is concerned, the Cathedral is a rock star.

Baby 2 is growing too. I had my first OB appointment the other day. He/She is just a teeny tiny sprout. The ultrasound said I was six weeks along and that the due date is October 18, 2010. I was a little bummed because the first due date is my mom and Kim's (my sis-in-law) birthday. To be honest though, I am much happier to have another month. There will be so many changes and I need a lot of time to prepare.